Together for Adoption
Next week there will be a chance to be part of the "critical conversation" I mentioned a few days ago surrounding the ethics of adoption and orphan care. The Together for Adoption Conference will be held in Greenville, SC from the 17th -18th. We've been to a few of these conferences before. The ones we attended featured experts on all manner of issues related to adoption targeted to parents, church ministries, and church leaders and it looks like this year will be no different. This year's conference title is URGENCY & COMPLEXITY – Biblical & Ethical Approaches to the Orphan Crisis.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
Day 10 of Writing on Heritage
Inside Jokes
Pearl has a sly look. She points at a little boy sitting with his family across the way in the Dairy Queen and says, "I know him!"
"Oh, really, where do you know him from?" I ask.
"He was a baby in China when I was a baby in China!" she says with a grin and a giggle.
This is no reunion. That boy is white with blond hair. We all laugh at Pearl, and she is so pleased with her silly self.
I am glad that Pearl loves to talk about her story and her homeland, even in telling her jokes. I love that she says "My China!" whenever she sees Chinese writing or anything else that represents that country to her.
When we went to China there was a family in our group that included a young girl who had been adopted from China as a baby. She was able to visit several points of interest from her own story while we were there. It was an amazing thing to think about.
Our adoption agency and many other organizations offer guided trips for children who were adopted from China - trips that allow them to discover the culture and history of their original land. These trips are often called "heritage tours."
Pearl has a sly look. She points at a little boy sitting with his family across the way in the Dairy Queen and says, "I know him!"
"Oh, really, where do you know him from?" I ask.
"He was a baby in China when I was a baby in China!" she says with a grin and a giggle.
This is no reunion. That boy is white with blond hair. We all laugh at Pearl, and she is so pleased with her silly self.
I am glad that Pearl loves to talk about her story and her homeland, even in telling her jokes. I love that she says "My China!" whenever she sees Chinese writing or anything else that represents that country to her.
When we went to China there was a family in our group that included a young girl who had been adopted from China as a baby. She was able to visit several points of interest from her own story while we were there. It was an amazing thing to think about.
Our adoption agency and many other organizations offer guided trips for children who were adopted from China - trips that allow them to discover the culture and history of their original land. These trips are often called "heritage tours."
Day 9 of Writing on Heritage
Good Reads
It is really difficult to put personal thoughts in words for this space. Attempting these 31 posts has given me even greater respect for those who have shared so well on subjects that are dear to me. Here are a few of my favorite blogs that have helped me make sense of our unique family heritage:
http://mymindonpaper.wordpress.com/
Kevin D. Hofmann is a bi-racial man who was adopted by white parents. His blog is a wonderful resource for transracial families. I appreciate that he makes a point of educating adoptive parents on how and how NOT to help our children and how willing he is to share his thoughts on a wide variety of racial issues.
For quick, wise advice start here: 5 Myths and 5 Truths About Race and Adoption
There was a strange time a few months ago when the deep issues surrounding adoption, orphan care, and family preservation were stirred into a sort of controversy and spread around the internet. This is a critical conversation, but so many seemed to willing to generalize about a subject that by nature resists that treatment. I wanted to address this in some way, if only to organize my own thoughts, and then I found this: Why Adoption Isn't Second Best. This post really helped me. Since then I have spent a lot of time reading other posts by Shannan on Flower Patch Farmgirl, and I really appreciate her thoughtful writing on adoption and life.
One of my first favorite blogs was Owlhaven. I love the practical advice that Mary Ostyn gives about running a large household and homeschooling. She has children that were born to her, children from Korea, and children from Ethiopia in her family, and I particularly appreciate the wisdom she shares about parenting teenagers! She has a great section on her blog detailing all of her adoption stories here.
It is really difficult to put personal thoughts in words for this space. Attempting these 31 posts has given me even greater respect for those who have shared so well on subjects that are dear to me. Here are a few of my favorite blogs that have helped me make sense of our unique family heritage:
http://mymindonpaper.wordpress.com/
Kevin D. Hofmann is a bi-racial man who was adopted by white parents. His blog is a wonderful resource for transracial families. I appreciate that he makes a point of educating adoptive parents on how and how NOT to help our children and how willing he is to share his thoughts on a wide variety of racial issues.
For quick, wise advice start here: 5 Myths and 5 Truths About Race and Adoption
There was a strange time a few months ago when the deep issues surrounding adoption, orphan care, and family preservation were stirred into a sort of controversy and spread around the internet. This is a critical conversation, but so many seemed to willing to generalize about a subject that by nature resists that treatment. I wanted to address this in some way, if only to organize my own thoughts, and then I found this: Why Adoption Isn't Second Best. This post really helped me. Since then I have spent a lot of time reading other posts by Shannan on Flower Patch Farmgirl, and I really appreciate her thoughtful writing on adoption and life.
One of my first favorite blogs was Owlhaven. I love the practical advice that Mary Ostyn gives about running a large household and homeschooling. She has children that were born to her, children from Korea, and children from Ethiopia in her family, and I particularly appreciate the wisdom she shares about parenting teenagers! She has a great section on her blog detailing all of her adoption stories here.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Day 8 of Writing on Heritage
Closure
There was a strange half-formed idea in my mind when we began the adoption process, that since we were adopting internationally we would bring the kids home and shut the door. That there would be a clear line between past and present. Turn the page, new chapter. A closed adoption.
In some ways it is like that, but in many important (and good) ways it is not. And I am just speaking for myself. My children will have their own sense of their story. Their interpretation of their story will belong to them.
I was able to see a documentary called Closure at the Created for Care event early this year. It is a remarkable, well-made film about an adopted daughter's search for her birth parents. Must-see stuff for any adoptive family or birthmother/father. The movie is very respectful in its treatment of all the people involved in her adoption story. Watching the way the young woman at the center of the film was completely supported in her search by her adoptive parents really impressed upon me the importance of giving my children space to put the pieces of their own story together.
Seeing this film also made me grateful for the ways in which our door is not closed completely. For their sake and for mine.
There was a strange half-formed idea in my mind when we began the adoption process, that since we were adopting internationally we would bring the kids home and shut the door. That there would be a clear line between past and present. Turn the page, new chapter. A closed adoption.
In some ways it is like that, but in many important (and good) ways it is not. And I am just speaking for myself. My children will have their own sense of their story. Their interpretation of their story will belong to them.
I was able to see a documentary called Closure at the Created for Care event early this year. It is a remarkable, well-made film about an adopted daughter's search for her birth parents. Must-see stuff for any adoptive family or birthmother/father. The movie is very respectful in its treatment of all the people involved in her adoption story. Watching the way the young woman at the center of the film was completely supported in her search by her adoptive parents really impressed upon me the importance of giving my children space to put the pieces of their own story together.
Seeing this film also made me grateful for the ways in which our door is not closed completely. For their sake and for mine.
Day 7 of Writing on Heritage
Brothers and Sisters
Davis and Faith pray for an older sibling. It is a side-effect of adoption that they are aware that you can build your family in a different order than those who go the traditional route. I tell them that we don't have that plan yet, but to keep praying because I would never say never. Never.
Here is one from the vault that celebrates our little brother/sisters team. A few of the photos in this slideshow illustrate the collective personality of our threesome and how well they bonded from the start of being in that number:
Friends from Leslie Bullington on Vimeo.
Davis and Faith pray for an older sibling. It is a side-effect of adoption that they are aware that you can build your family in a different order than those who go the traditional route. I tell them that we don't have that plan yet, but to keep praying because I would never say never. Never.
Here is one from the vault that celebrates our little brother/sisters team. A few of the photos in this slideshow illustrate the collective personality of our threesome and how well they bonded from the start of being in that number:
Friends from Leslie Bullington on Vimeo.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Day 6 of Writing on Heritage
Photo Essay
I was going to try to skip today's writing by finding a bunch of cute photos of the kids and throwing them on here as my heritage post-of-the-day. There is a nice stretchiness to this word that I thought I could (and may yet) expand to cover our everyday life. But when I was looking back over the last few years in pictures I stopped on this and wanted to think about it a minute.
This is a photo of the civil office where we signed our paperwork for Pearl. She was getting her footprint taken - tiny, in red ink- for some document. This photo seems to mark a passage in more ways than one.
I had more words for this, but I think they are mostly written. In the ancient landscape behind. In the two of us bending over Pearl. Caring for her together for a moment.
This is a photo of the civil office where we signed our paperwork for Pearl. She was getting her footprint taken - tiny, in red ink- for some document. This photo seems to mark a passage in more ways than one.
I had more words for this, but I think they are mostly written. In the ancient landscape behind. In the two of us bending over Pearl. Caring for her together for a moment.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Day 5 of Writing on Heritage
Caublinasian
I remember when Tiger Woods made up this word - a hybrid of Caucasian, Black, Indian, and Asian to describe his heritage and there was a national. . .discussion. I can't recall much about the details of the controversy, but I think it may have been one of those situations where some people saw denial, some people saw confusion, and some people saw no-big-deal-why-are-we-talking-about-this. I probably fell into the third group at the time. The conversation didn't resonate with me much.
Today I find this word useful. I sometimes say I have a Caublinasian family, though the only Indian part of us (that we know of) is just a trace of American Indian that comes from a some-number-of-greats (three, I think) grandmother on my mother's side.
Typically people get their racial identity from their ancestors, but I feel I have received mine in part from my descendants. A reverse inheritance? I wonder if it is as controversial for me to claim their race as my own as it was for Tiger Woods to want to include more than the world could know about him in his self-identification. My claim might give worse offense, since my inclusion has nothing at all to do with my actual bloodline. Or it might give no offense, because I am not quite as famous.
It was very surprising to me how different the world felt after I had a child of another race. I always thought I had a good understanding about the issues surrounding racism and prejudice, but that understanding did not run as deep into my heart as it does now. I did not hurt as I should have before for the major and minor injustices still being perpetrated. I didn't feel sick over these things like I do. Today.
It shouldn't have taken adoption to give me a tender heart. It shouldn't have taken watching the news and fear for my own son to wake me up to the danger that so many mother's sons face in the world. There are a few ways I use the word "we" now. And we have a ways to go.
I remember when Tiger Woods made up this word - a hybrid of Caucasian, Black, Indian, and Asian to describe his heritage and there was a national. . .discussion. I can't recall much about the details of the controversy, but I think it may have been one of those situations where some people saw denial, some people saw confusion, and some people saw no-big-deal-why-are-we-talking-about-this. I probably fell into the third group at the time. The conversation didn't resonate with me much.
Today I find this word useful. I sometimes say I have a Caublinasian family, though the only Indian part of us (that we know of) is just a trace of American Indian that comes from a some-number-of-greats (three, I think) grandmother on my mother's side.
Typically people get their racial identity from their ancestors, but I feel I have received mine in part from my descendants. A reverse inheritance? I wonder if it is as controversial for me to claim their race as my own as it was for Tiger Woods to want to include more than the world could know about him in his self-identification. My claim might give worse offense, since my inclusion has nothing at all to do with my actual bloodline. Or it might give no offense, because I am not quite as famous.
It was very surprising to me how different the world felt after I had a child of another race. I always thought I had a good understanding about the issues surrounding racism and prejudice, but that understanding did not run as deep into my heart as it does now. I did not hurt as I should have before for the major and minor injustices still being perpetrated. I didn't feel sick over these things like I do. Today.
It shouldn't have taken adoption to give me a tender heart. It shouldn't have taken watching the news and fear for my own son to wake me up to the danger that so many mother's sons face in the world. There are a few ways I use the word "we" now. And we have a ways to go.
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